Where do I start? I guess it is appropriate to apologize to everyone, including myself considering that I have not written in ages. Right now (well when this was originally written) I am up north, near Haifa, on the second day of a hiking trip. Its 6:52am, some large group of men, I'll call them "the boy scouts of Israel" are blasting their music all over the place but for some reason I just do not care. Actually... I kind of want to sing... but let's be honest... it's too early for me to do all of that hahaha :) Clearly, life is not bad-- actually life is pretty freaking amazing. I have done so much in the past few weeks since I've been here- its amazing! I've met so many new and interesting people, I've celebrated the Chag (holiday's) in new places, with friend's families, on a kibbutz or just with random friends that I just recently met. Everyone has been so welcoming and so nice and I definitely feel a sense of belonging. I will talk more my feelings in another post because they are more complex then I lead them to be and must be explained more fully. However, I must reiterate my initial feelings about Israel and my presence here. I truly stand by my belief that I am where I need to be, and meeting the people I need to meet and experiencing everything that is meant for me to experience. I would not give up this year in a minute and while I am struggling in some ways and making hard decisions- I am really happy. I am happy to be here, I am happy to be alive and there is no where else in the world that I would rather be. OKAY so with that said it's time to get to the meaning of this post, "Balagan," or in english, Chaos. Well, I've thought about writing every day... if that makes up for my lack of action but somehow something else, someone else or simply, some excuse always comes up! Now, it is time to get filled in on what has been occupying my time! Are you all ready.... okay... where to start..... I could write forever so I will organize like this 1) Apts Chaos, CHAOS, homelessness, CHAOS...
Here begins my apartment Saga...do not judge. I've been here in Israel for about 7 weeks now and I have not unpacked my bags. Really,-- I have been wearing the same variations of outfits and using the same habitual objects. It all started when I got to Israel. Dorot hooked us up with a sweet apt in the middle of the best street in Tel Aviv which was amazing. They then gave us 3 weeks to find our own apt. I was on top of the apt hunt because I was supposed to take the LSAT in OCT (FAIL... rescheduled it) and I did not want to waste any time. Therefore, I searched for days, called people and went to look at places. Finding a nice apt in this country is hard to do for so many reason. The primary being that it is a full out competition in which you must outbid another person based on your personality, timing and money etc. Furthermore, people do not take care of their stuff and always false advertise. There were so many places that looked amazing in the ads online but when you get to the apt it is a shit hole, people are smoking in the apt, or things are beat up-- or their are only a few things in the apt which would require me to buy everything. So, what did I do... well after traveling with Yael and looking at some apts I took one of the first ones that I had called. It is a beautiful apt, too beautiful... full queen sized bed, modern kitchen, huge bathroom but no living space... so very much like a hotel. OKay, so I went a little BOUGIE but can you blame me? Anyway, I signed the contract and the next day I decided that it was time for me to move out! WHY? Well, I spent some time with friends of mine and I realized that living in an apt without a common area/ living room says a lot about the place and also sets the mood of one's living. There is something beautiful about sharing space with other people, sitting on a couch and just existing even if not speaking a word. This is not the only reason I decided to leave. Also, my roommate, is a 58 year old man, who is really nice but we have nothing in common... and I missed being with people my age. I learned a lot about his life and about his parents which was very interesting but we couldn't talk about superficial stuff, or girlie stuff, or stuff that well umm people in their 20's talk about aka NOTHIN hahaha. I realized that I wasn't ready to live like this, to be so independent in a country in which the people are the presence and I am trying to find my connection. And finally, the apt was really expensive for what I was getting.. and I am never there so what am I paying for? I am studying in Jerusalem half of the week and need to get my student visa so I am not present half of the week anyway... After taking ALL of this into consideration... and just my luck to consider all of this AFTER I SIGNED THE CONTRACT which locked me into a 2 month agreement.. I told my roommate that it was time to move. He took the news well... and I felt kind of bad telling him that I wanted to move out after a day but there was really nothing that I could do. He told me that it would be my responsibility to find someone to take over my contract and so the hunt began.
This where the story gets both annoying, interesting and becomes the bane of my existence! Have you ever tried to sell an apt in which you wouldn't be the one staying in the apt and the other roommate ws significantly older? Well, its difficult! Basically, I met so many people who wanted the room but when they found out my roommate was in his late 50s they were not interested. This happened for a 3 WEEKS until recently when I found someone to replace me. I feel really bad because he knows that people age discriminate and refuses to put his age or information in the ad. This I understand but then the responsibility fell on me. I did not think it was my place to have to explain to people his age, occupation or other very personal details- nor did I feel comfortable. He was very insecure about it which made me even More insecure about it-- but this time around I had to deal with all the people, rather than him. I blame myself in that I should not have signed the contract or rushed to get settled and put myself in this position in the first place. However, deep down inside I also believe that he knew that I would struggle to find someone to replace me and he didn't help out enough. I sent him many emails and texts explaining to him that I was having trouble. I left out the reason, being his age, because I did not want to hurt his feelings but I know that he has been selling his apt for a long time so he must have known that this would be an issue. Having me sell, for him, took the burden and the stress off of him. UNder any other circumstances this would be normal in that I needed to find someone to replace me. HOWEVER, his age is a HUGE factor, and that is not my issue. THis gave me a huge disadvantage and made the apt impossible to sell. So, in many ways I feel that I was taken advantage of but, what am I to do. This is a lesson, a test of sorts, that will NEVER let happen again.
The apt sold the other day, with a little bit of back and forth between my roommate and me about the quality and profession of the lady who would be replacing me. My roommate eventually came around and everything was settled... oh wait-- so now where am I going to live! Well y'all that is a great question and I still do not know. The day of move out Yossi asked for the keys back early... I thought I had to leave on the first but according to him I had to leave the night before. So he very rudely demands the keys and I give it to him and wait for hours so that I can move my stuff from my apartment to a friends apt. So right now, about a week after the mountain trip in which I originally wrote this message... I am still homeless and have been sleeping at a friend's apt, on the couch. I am going to be house sitting for 2 days and spending a day in Jerusalem which gives me 3 days to find a place. I've tag-teamed with a friend from home and we've decided to look for a place together but we haven't been able to find anything within our budget that is reasonable. I've been really down about this apartment but I've been getting some help, and I've decided to change the energy. My sisters Gabby and leathett both encouraged me to stay positive. Leathett said it the best! Read our convo!
Me: "IM homeless tomorrow"
Leah: "I might be dead tomorrow"
Me: "i knew i could count on u to put it all in perspective hahaha"
Leah: "see all is well celeste, have no fear"
So this is where I stand right now; this is why I haven't been able to do anything. I've literally been running around this city, calling a billion people and trying to find an apartment. I am at the brink of my wits. I have 3 days to find a place. Hopefully today will be the day. Sometimes I wonder, am I always being tested? I cannot say my life has been extremely hard, but I seem to always be in some type of struggle, perhaps self imposed based on my personality. Or perhaps I am being tested, again and again and again. I dunno? What do you think? It makes for a better story, but it definitely drives me insane! Well, today I will manifest an apt, I'm sending out all the positive energy I have, TODAY is the day!
I'l write more soon, wish me luck!
LOVE Your favorite homeless friend,
C
(ps- the other day I was washing the bed sheets of my old apt for the new lady that would move in. I hung them to dry and the next morning, I saw that a bird had taken a huge poop right on the nice clean sheets! NOW this could just mean that a bird pooped on it... but it could also mean that I will have great apartment luck. The sheet symbolizing a bed--- the basic necessity of a home... sounds good to me! Bring on the good luck!)
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