Welcome to Israel- Welcome Home

I arrived at JFK exactly 3 hours before my flight, which is the earliest I’ve ever arrived for a flight. I looked like the ultimate tourist, wearing tan Bermuda shorts, a black t-shirt, a huge hiking backpack and carrying a suitcase. I truly believed that my tourist “innocence” may have played in my favor. I was really nervous and kind of scared, especially since I had spent the last few days at home reading horror stories about Israeli security. I waited in line, trying not to be nervous and draw attention to myself so that the guards would not pull me out of line. I looked around to see the composition of the others who would be on my flight. To no surprise of my own they all fit the American stereotype of Jewish, ranging from what appeared to be the more reform Jews and the very orthodox Jews, all white. I waited for about 20 minutes and finally, a lady who seemed really pleasant called me up. I smiled at her and the questioning began. To my surprise I did not feel as if I was being interrogated. Rather the questions were very frank: What are you doing in Israel? Why did you choose to come to Israel? Where will you be living? Do you speak Hebrew? I explained that I had finished college and I wanted to travel. I also explained that my family is Jewish. She was interested in knowing more about my Jewish family and information about my mother. I explained everything always making eye contact and trying not to be nervous. The process lasted for about 5 mins and then she smiled at me, told me to have a good time in Israel and said that maybe she would see me there! Wow, and to think that I spent HOURS reading about Israeli security. I do not know why I was so nervous. I didn’t really have anything to hide but anything could happen. Anyway, it was such a relief to go through security and wait to get my flight. On the way down to the plane the security guard that interviewed me was waiting in the ramp and she called out to me “Ms Jackson, say hi to Israel for me” I smiled at her and said I would. That comment alone set the tone for Israel, and I will always remember that interaction.

Flying with El Al was nice, of course we left about 1.5 hours behind schedule or rather on Israeli time. The flight was about 9 hours and rather enjoyable. When we arrived in Israel I was a little nervous about the second security check. I walked into Ben Gurion airport amidst hundreds of others trying to enter Israel. There were about 10 lines open and I waited for about 45 mins. I tried to get in a line with a female because I thought that she would be more compassionate. However, I got a male guard. He asked me what I was doing in Israel and I told him I was traveling. He asked me if I intended to go to the West Bank and Gaza and I told him no and then he stamped my passport and I was in! Well that was easy! I was already prepared to be questioned, interrogated, strip searched... everything. Well, I grabbed my luggage and went to find a taxi. Got in the taxi and I was on my way.

In Tel Aviv, I immediately felt at ease, as if I had seen and experienced Israel before. In a way, some parts reminded me of the States and other parts reminded me of Mexico. I found the apartment and Yael was there to greet me! It was so nice to see her again. The apartment is beautiful and even has a balcony looking out onto the sea.  Ahh I made it, everything was going to be okay! We walked around Tel Aviv and it was so nice to see so many Jews. Also it was nice to see other people of color, and black people. I have to admit that I was a little worried that there would not be many black people or people of color. I would be fine if there weren’t others but it is always nice not to have to be the first.  I do not want to have to represent all black people or black Jews and carry the burden of representing an entire group of people. Also, I knew that I would not be questioned, my Judaism would not be questioned, I would not be looked at funny, or feel like the odd one out. These are all experiences that are normal for me and possibly other Jews of color in the United States. Fortunately, Israel is so diverse and I feel that I can be myself and be Jewish and not feel as if people are yearning to question me, or to deny me the possibility that I could be both black and Jewish. For the first time, I do not feel like I have to defend my identity or choose one over the other. This is very comforting and makes me feel at home, not just with Israel but also with myself. This is a rare feeling- to find a sense of equilibrium within my young, adult identity.

So what does it mean to be home? Why is Israel home or am I simply perpetuating an idea exposed by so many others? I’ve been thinking about these questions. I’ve only been here for a week and yet I still feel connected to Israel and connected to the people. Is it because I am with other Jews? What is it about being Jewish that seems to be a bigger part of my identity than being black? I went to Uganda, back to the “motherland” and interestingly I never felt more out of place in my life. However, two years later I am in Israel and I have never felt more at home.  To be honest, I cannot really explain it yet. I’ve been searching for answers. Perhaps it is simply because I am in the holy land. Or perhaps it has something to do with being amongst a group of people, in a language and culture that is not so foreign to me. I do not know. The other day a friend wrote on my facebook and asked me to see my photos of Israel. Well, I haven’t taken any photos yet. I have not even thought about taking a photo. This seemed strange to me too! After much reflection I realized that I have not taken a photo because I really do not feel like a tourist. It’s just like returning home after a break and just being at ease. I guess as the year goes on I will take some photos but at this moment I have no desire to take photos or rather I do not feel like I need to take a photo. 

So how does it feel to be home…? We’ll, I'm really happy and it's a different type of happiness and so it is hard for me to explain it or understand it myself. It's the type of happiness derived from the feeling and belief that I am where I am supposed to be. I have a reason, a purpose and a mission. I do not know what my mission or purpose is yet but I know that G-d sent me here for a reason. Perhaps to reconnect and develop with my Jewish identity which has taken a back seat to other priorities. There is something here that I am supposed to find and I am so excited for the journey. I do not think this journey will be easy but then again life is not easy and it is in this journey that we begin to live and appreciate life for what it is. I haven't felt so sure of myself and my decision to take a year off.   Everything has connected in so many different ways and I cannot understand why but I know that it was meant to be. Everything is Sababa… ANI SABABA.