Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Day in Photos: Egypt, Cairo, the Pyramids-- OH MY


Egypt. These are a few of the photos I took on my weekend trip to Egypt. Where to begin... Welcome home? Have you ever felt that you were belonged somewhere and everything around you reinforced that sense of belonging and even aided that sense. Well, this country, for me, is Egypt.  I've never felt more accepted, more in love and more in touch with "my identity as an Egyptian" than I have with any other place (outside of the US). It was so nice getting off of the plane and looking around and seeing so many people of color. Especially after my airport incident. However, there was something more about this place, something more about the people, something more about me! Going to Egypt for me was like a returning... to what... I do not know. Also, to be honest, most Egyptians considered me Egyptian and since it was an identity that I liked having,  I was happy to have it. Don't worry, more to come on my thoughts! For now, enjoy the photos and enjoy Egypt!!
 Pyramids anyone? Sphinx? Ancient history.... can't get enough of it! My people have done some amazing things!

 Everyone thought I was Egyptian... perhaps I look like my ancient ancestor - The resemblance speaks for itself.

 I kiss you, Egypt! I kiss you as if I've known you. I kiss you as if I am you. I kiss you, I kiss you.

 SO we met this random - professional boxer/fighter of some sort. He turns out to be a super awesome guy and while he definitely did not meet the social norms of the men in Egypt he was much appreciated by the Egyptian people and us of course!

 Cairo by night! The party buses, the people, the food, the sounds, the smell, Cairo. Beautiful Cairo.


 Our new friends we met at a shop! We didn't buy anything but we did have a 2 hour conversation about cultural norms regarding sex and gender. Gotta love Egyptian men and their curiosity!

 At a mosque in Cairo. Beautiful mosque that resembles much of the Alhambra in Spain.

 A mosque adorns a mid afternoon sky.


The Market. Crazy, full of people, intimidating, men, groping, sales, bargains, food, spices, beauty, chaos, amazing, overwhelming, crowded, alone. The Market

Me- not only did people look like me but people were shocked when I told them that I was not Egyptian.. or when I spoke English.. hahaha My friend's friend even said I looked like the ISIS- an ancient Pharaoh? Cool ... life doesnt get much better than that.

Egypt. I kiss you. I kiss you as if I've known you. I kiss you as if I am you. I kiss you, I kiss you.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Being Black or a Person of Color = ISRAELI SECURITY Threat?

Has being Black in America created a naivety of the non-censored world of racism?
I have always considered myself to be very fortunate in that I did not grow up confronted with a lot of discrimination or racism. Of course there were episodes of both but I’ve never known the harshness of the historical Jim Crow and its immediate aftermath. Overt racism was something that was not omnipresent, rather it was associated with “others” bad people, stupid people, immoral people. My parent’s generation and generations before them fought so that I would never truly experience this historical pain. However, more than ever, and due to a recent event here in Israel, I wonder- did the absence of confrontation and interactions with racism make me unsuitable to deal/ cope with it? Have I been sheltered from a reality that may be censored in the United States but is rampant around the world? Perhaps so. Perhaps, the lack of experience has made it harder for me to properly address and cope with it. (Regardless, thank G-d I do not have to experience of confront racism every day in the US. 

This past Thursday my friends and I went to the airport awaiting an exciting trip to Cairo. Well Cairo was amazing but airport security was not. All my white, Ashkenazi, Jewish friends went through security without any problems, but of course- not I, instead I was put through an extensive search. Here is the story.

My friend and I arrive to Ben Gurion airport and we are waiting in line. As is procedure, El Al always starts with a few questions. My friend was the first to be questioned and with short, very frank, and spoken with a slight but noticeable attitude, he answered the questions. Then it was my turn; I answered all the questions and was very thorough, polite and cooperative. Then came the usual question. Do you belong to a synagogue? I answered yes, Kol Emet. Usually, they stop at that but then came the question “what kind of synagogue is it”? Now the question and especially the wording of this question is important. Usually, they never ask for denomination because a Jew is a Jew is a Jew to them. However, if they were to ask, they would be more likely to ask for denomination… reform, orthodox etc. However, they did not ask me for my denomination- they asked me “what kind”. Which basically translates into- what type of Jew are you, implying a lack of jewishness or a partial denial of the fact. I’ve heard this question before the “How are/can you be Jewish” question that is hinted at in subtle but noticeable ways. Interestingly, this specific question was not asked to my friend. Basically, it’s was a loaded question and the average Jew, such as my friend, wouldn’t understand the subtext; I knew exactly what he meant. Therefore, I guess I was less surprised when I received the number 5, which basically means- possible security threat, and I was asked to go through more security. Interesting, I answer all the questions and I was polite might I add, especially compared to my friend- a white, Jewish, male. However, I was chosen as a possible security threat and not him.

About 15 mins after I arrive the other 2 friends both white, Jewish and American arrive at the airport. They are barely questioned and put right through… of course. My original friend who came with me did not realize that I was put in a different category and as he is getting ready to move through the next part of the process, he calls out and asks me what I am doing. I tell him that I waiting in line to get my bags searched. Then he says why? I point to the line- in the line there were 5 other people- all darks skinned Asians and I asked him… What do we all have in common? Before he could answer- I say “We are all people of color,” I am here because I am black, that’s why. I kind of made a joke out of it because in a sense it was funny that it was so obvious who was picked out as a “security threat” and who was not. However, at the same time, I was really sad, frustrated and angry. Also, considering that all my friends had now gotten through without a problem and were now all waiting for me was embarrassing. Have you ever wished that you weren’t black or a person of color? Well, I can’t speak for everyone but I can say that sometimes I do. WHY? Because the reality of the situation is that being black, or a person of color, in situations in which you are not necessarily the majority, brings about disadvantages worldwide, either on large scale or on a micro, everyday scale.


I waited in line with my Asian comrades, and after about 30 mins, it was finally my turn to get my bags searched. I had to unpack everything, my computer put through a bomb scan thing, and everything was thoroughly checked. I looked back at the guy who had decided that I was a “threat” and I just stared at him. I wanted to scream out “FUCK YOU ASSHOLE” but then I for sure would not have been allowed on the plane. I then questioned a guy behind the desk and said to him “ I came here with a bunch of my friends and none of them were stopped, why was I stopped?” He pretended like he had no idea what I was talking about and tried to turn it one me as if I was asking a stupid and unreasonable question. Then I told him just forget it, whatever. I wish I had not, I wish I had made a scene and had stood up for myself or at least made him feel as uncomfortable as I had felt. However, I did not want to make a scene and risk not going to Egypt. I was so frustrated and upset at this point not because my bags were being checked but because I had no voice and no one to listen to it. No one cared; this was their job. They were HIRED to DISCRIMINATE. They were paid to pull out all the people of color, the non-Jewy people and they probably get a bonus for every Arab person they put through high security. This is the reality of racism and there is nothing I could do or say to stop it. I was helpless; I am black. Israel seems to never let me forget that I am Black, thanks.

As I waited in line, my friends waited for me, just watching, there was nothing they could do. They spoke on my behalf telling the security that I was with them; having white Jews vouch for me definitely calmed them. While this is also a disheartening reality, it was really helpful having them use their privilege to speak on my behalf, which definitely facilitated my process. Finally, I get through and we are on our way. One of the ladies in security graciously walks me through the second check in and takes me through the remainder of security because she understands that we are in danger of missing out flight. She was nice and I thanked her because I know that she did not have to help me. Perhaps, she realizes that the system is unfair and racist but like me, what can she do?

I was upset, I wanted to cry and I fought back tears because I did not want to cry in front of my friends. I joked with them because it was easier to laugh than to cry. This is the reality of racism- sometimes its better to just let go, because too much energy is spent by worrying about it and by getting upset and knowing that there is nothing you can do you to change it at that moment.  I did not want this incident to ruin my long-awaited trip to Egypt. So I sucked it up for as long as I did and I cried on the plane when I felt that no one was watching or could see me. Whatever, I was sad, and it saddens me to remember and write this. It saddens me that this is a reality, it saddens me that I have to go through hurdles to be accepted in Israel, it saddens me that this is the unchangeable position for many people, especially Arabs and other people of color, worldwide.

While in Cairo, I met up with an Egyptian, American and Muslim friend of mine. He explained that when he visited Israel, he tried to make himself as presentable as possible to avoid too much negative stereotypes and generalizations. He shaved his beard, he wore nice clothes- basically, he tried not to be a threat. However, because of his Arab name he was held and questioned for 8 hours. I would have broken down but when asked he said he did not cry. Has he become hardened to the fact that this is the reality of life as an Arab man trying to go to Israel? My other Egyptian, American and Muslim friend experienced the same incident and spoke of it in the same way. It was an unfortunate reality and there was nothing they could do about it. I was sad for us, I was only put through extra security checks but I was not held for 8 hours. However, I have to ask myself the question…why was I stopped? Why was I considered a threat? I do not have a Muslim or an Arab name, I am Jewish and had proof, I am American, so what was the problem?

The hardest part of this process is that there is no one to direct blame? To whom should I direct my anger, who is responsible? Should I direct it at Israel, which in my opinion is many times an overtly racist country? Yes. Or should I blame the douchebag who gave me the 5 even after I answered all the questions so well? Yes. Perhaps I should blame the other douchebag who pretended that he didn’t know why I was pulled out of line and tried to act like I was unreasonable for asking? Yes Should I blame it on the terrorists who have attacked and are always planning to attack Israel, putting Israel in a constant state of alert and high security? Yes. Should I blame it on a fixed notion of a Jew and who is included and who is not? Yes. Do I blame humanity for creating the idea of “race” and my unfortunate position at the bottom of that hierarchy? Yes. Or perhaps should I blame it on myself for not realizing that this is the life of a person of color. (I guess yes) Color always being exempt from the justice of the law and thus always guilty before proven innocent. Or perhaps must I blame it on my parents generation and many before them, who worked and strived to create a life for me in which I would not know racism and consequently, how to respond to it? (NO- thank g-d for their hard work)SO then WHO? WHO is responsible? WHO? WHO? WHO?

I wish I knew the answer to that question. How can I cope with this reality? How will I respond next time this happens? Will I too get used to the additional questions and higher security allowing it to eventually seem natural to get signaled out? Must I take one for the team? I would not have minded being pulled out and questioned if there was a valid reason behind it. The reality was that they had no reason to signal me out. They did it because they can and they do; it’s a unilateral, power game. I wished, as I find myself wishing constantly in Israel that I was afforded the privileges given to the white, Ashkenazi, westernized, Jew – free to move, free to look like and wear whatever without being generalized and type-casted, free to be Jewish, free to own Israel and free to claim that ownership. 

Monday, November 8, 2010

Day in Photos: Weekend in the open Market area- Tel Aviv

PLEASE note the DOG in the front of the motorcycle! Israeli's LOVE their DOGS. Dogs go everywhere, into stores, restaurants, wherever. Dogs are an extension of the family and a vital extension!
Random street performer in the Market

The crowd hangs out and watches the street performers!

Welcome to the open Market! BALAGAN!

People chill, welcoming the coming Shabbat and or enjoying the beautiful day!

Shopping in the open Market before Shabbat in a few hours! MAD RUSH

The streets of Tel Aviv - No worries :)



Observant Judaism Anyone... ? Oh wait, any MAN- women are not permitted to wrap Tefilin or do the other rituals. These rituals are a way to remember your commandment with G-d and they act as a reminder of your connection with G-d etc...

Chillen

One of the most famous and fun intersections- Shenkin, King George and Allenby! Doesn't get better than that!

Add caption

Check out the building- difference between modern and old!

SHENKIN STREET

Day in Photos- Mind-Provoking Images from Israel

As most of you have noticed, I do not have that many blog posts! It's mostly because it takes me a long time to think and analyze everything that's happening! It's so hard to put words to feelings, emotions, morals and life. I am definitely not lacking in things to say but I am lacking in the energy and the time to properly express them. Also let's be honest, my posts are really long.  I am blogging as an outlet for myself but in doing so I am happy/ want to bring you all along with me on my self-actualizing process. So what am I going to do?????


DONT FEAR- CELESTE IS HERE... with a solution!


I went through my daily routine of reading the news today and as I browsed the BBC news site I came to one of my favorite sections which contains a collection of photos called - Day in pictures- Eye-Catching Images from around the World. This section has always been a highlight of my morning news gathering routine! So, I'm going to create my own rendition of this concept! This way you can all live vicariously through me or better yet exist in a mental, emotional or spiritual realm with me as we share the images. I will still have my deeper posts and hopefully by combining the two I can create a more fruitful blog experience.  ENJOY!!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

The dangers of Representation: Improperly associating a State with a people and religion.

Have you ever thought about your multiple identities and how each one ties into a specific and intricate representation of self? Have you thought about your inability to control that representation, which resides in the generalizations formed by others and imposed upon you? Coming from a multi-everything background, how I am perceived has come not only to define me but also to control the spheres in which I am contained. For example, being a black American places me in a world of generalizations some of which apply to me and others that do not. Because there is a framework in which to understand “blackness” or “black” people, especially in the states, I find myself trapped in that framework-- escape or complete freedom being- perhaps -only an illusion of the mind. I have struggled to understand “blackness” and to define myself by myself and for myself. While this is a never-ending journey, I can confidently say that I have made significant strides towards self-representation. I am comfortable with defining myself outside of how society may wish to define me. Now, changing the way in which society defines me- that’s a topic for another post!

Coming to Israel has moved me one step closer to comfortably defining another, equally important identity, Judaism. On this struggle bus –if I may- I have begun to define my Jewish identity and I seek to deepen and enliven it. I came to Israel not really understanding how and if Israel related to my Judaism. Thus, I did not know what to expect. I had weak and superficial opinions about important issues such as Zionism, differences between religious and secular, Israeli history and current politics. In these three months, I have acquired an unimaginable amount of information; and while my ignorance is still vast, I continue my quest for knowledge acquisition. 

Within my three month journey, I have been repeatedly confronted with very opinionated, and brass questions and judgments. They say: How can you support Israel? How can YOU guys do/support this? Jews are Nazis, look at the way Israelis/Jews treats Palestinians. How could you live in Israel and support racism and apartheid? These are the comments that have either been retold to me from my friends here in Israel or told directly from my own friends and acquaintances. And what do I say to them? Well, there is no real argument here (except to the Nazi comment which sent me on a personal and intellectual tirade in which I did not manage to change his mind but did put him into his place!) Anyway, to the comments I answer: I TOO disagree with the way the Palestinians are treated. I TOO believe that the exportation of 400 children of migrant workers, mostly from Asia and Africa, in order to “preserve the Jewish character,” is immoral. I TOO believe that an obliged loyalty Oath for non-Jewish citizens to the “Jewish Democratic State of Israel” has inherent discriminatory implications. So then what separates you from me, other than the fact that I am indeed Jewish and in Israel. The polite answer to this question is-- our understanding of representation. The not so polite answer, which some deserve to hear but which I have refrained from saying is... perhaps its best l keep this to myself. :)

Many countries are based in an inherent religious ideology that not only guides and sets the norms and mores of society but also influences policy, people’s decisions and state’s actions. Take the United States for example, a Christian/ Protestant country founded and guided by religious principles. Or, many of the Latin American countries, in which Catholicism is a dominant and highly influential religion, intertwined in the makeup of the state. What about Islam? There are several countries such as Egypt, Turkey or Saudi Arabia in which Islam is the dominant religion, influencing both politics and society. My point is, most countries have a covert or overt influential, religious, presence.

Now let me create a scenario. Let’s take the American state, Arizona, which recently passed immigration legislation that blatantly allows for racial profiling and discrimination. Or what about former president Bush’s proposed policy to “round up the illegal’s aliens” and ship them back to their respective countries. Is it fair to judge all US citizens, all Christian nations, and all Christian people around the world based off of the policies of one state or the government’s position? No, instead we would look at other states in the US, other Christian influenced nations, and the actions of citizens and quickly recognize that this is not inherent to all people within the state, the country or the religion. We can logically assume that these controversial and unjust policies do not fully or accurately represent all people that share similar backgrounds or geographic locations.

Let’s create another scenario, this time formed around the influence of Islam. Let’s take Iran and a recent decision in which an Iranian woman accused of committing adultery was sentenced to death by stoning. Can we now assume that all Iranians support her death sentence, all Muslims agree to this type of death penalty and all nations with a predominately Muslim character think this way? (In the case of the US and Iran- under purely logical reasoning it could be true that many or some people, or nations, do indeed think like the subset identified in the examples but we cannot logically draw the conclusion that they ALL do). So, perhaps you are thinking, the use of Iran is very extreme example. Also Iran’s democracy is controversial and an irrational leader is representing the Iranian people without their consent. Thus, invalidating the use of Iran as an example. Point taken. I use Iran simply to show how absurd it is to draw generalizations based on one country or governmental institution. However, I do realize its extremity and I also deeply question its democracy. So, I will draw on another example to illustrate a similar point.

Let’s take a different Muslim country, Turkey, a country that is 99.8% Muslim but does not invoke Sharia law as the basis of policy (US Factbook https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/tu.html). (One can argue that there is no basis for comparison since Iran uses Sharia law and Turkey is a Secular republic and is not based in Sharia Law. To that I would say, as in the cases in the US, UK and other countries, having a predominate religion influences the representative leaders and norms of the country, and subsequently, government policies regardless of whether religion is formerly institutionalized. Professor Ann Elizabeth Mayer an Associate Professor of Legal Studies at the University of Pennsylvania, expounds upon this idea in her piece, Islamic Law and Human Rights: Conundrums and Equivocations a chapter in the book Religion and human rights: competing claim? by Carrie Gustafson and Peter Juviler. In her piece, she explains that many Islamic states no longer follow strict Sharia law and have adopted laws along European lines. However, she further explains that states with a predominantly Muslim population are still highly influenced by Islamic rules and precepts of Sharia regardless of their adoption of laws influenced by the European system. *(chpt 14 -see link at end) Using this train of thought, I am going to continue using Turkey as an example.) Okay, so Turkey passed a law banning headscarfs in universities and official buildings in order to maintain secularism and equality. Wonderful, so can I assume that all Turkish citizens agree or support the ban or all Muslims support this ban? Is it logical to assume that in visiting another predominately Muslim country the belief that banning the headscarf serves the purpose of equality and secularism exists? Perhaps, but perhaps not, it depends on the state. In Egypt, I probably could get by not wearing a headscarf but in Saudi Arabia probably not. Without understanding the cultural implications of headscarves and the way in which both culture and religion influence law and policy I would be completely lost in this headscarf debate. So my point again is that I cannot take the policy of one country, people within the same religion, or citizens of a nation and make a large, over-sweeping, generalization of ALL people. 

Moving on!

Now, lets look at the Jewish states. Let’s take Israel for example. The current administration under Netanyahu has allowed for the continuation of settlements, directly affecting peace negotiations and despite an international plea to desist. Furthermore, the current administration supports the deportation of 400 children of migrant workers in order to “preserve the Jewish Character” (with Jewish character never being defined—Also I might add that this is somewhat similar to the deportation of illegal’s in the US). Can we say that all Jewish people, and all Jewish states discriminate against foreigners, and are anti-peace? Well let’s look and compare these policies with other Jewish states…oh wait… there are no other Jewish States. Oh well, due to the lack of contrasting evidence it seems plausible to assume that the actions of the Israeli government reflect all Jews and Israelis... right? Does anyone else see a flaw in this reasoning? Again, using a subset to represent the composite…anybody? (Special thanks to the logical reasoning bible study book for my LSAT hahaha).

To my friends, acquaintances, friends of friends and the random instigators… Why can you apply logic correctly when referencing other countries but seem to base your “facts” in flawed reasoning when it comes to Israel? This is exactly what people are doing and they fail to realize it. How can you tell me that Jews do this, and believe that and that all Israelis are bad and immoral basing it off of one particular party/coalition within a governmental institution? When did Israel become the only basis of comparison for Jews or Israelis? When did a GOVERNMENT become the voice of the Jewish people and which Jewish people? The belief that there is one, cohesive, Jewish, community, with one goal or mindset is absolutely ludicrous and naive. (The joke- take 2 Jews and you will get 3 opinions and 4 political parties… can be asserted here).

If Israel wishes to be defined as a Jewish state and seeks to even pass an oath recognizing itself as a Jewish and Democratic state then does the state now absorb the responsibilities of upholding Jewish morals and “jewishness”? Perhaps, one could argue this- then the question becomes who’s “Jewishness” and which Jewish morals, and which interpretation do we use… Reform, Reconstructionist, Orthodox, Conservative, Modern Orthodox etc. However, last time I checked Prime Minister Netanyahu is not a Rabbi or the chosen spokesperson for the Jewish people; nor does he pretend to be. Rather, he is the chosen spokesperson for an institution, which (similar to Turkey) is NOT based in religious, Halachic (Jewish) Law but as I explained above is influenced by it.  

So why is there a belief that the government has become the religious leader of the people? Being a Jewish state could perhaps simply mean that Israel is a “nation under g-d” oh now that sounds familiar—yes, it’s in pledge of allegiance of the United States. Or perhaps it simply means it is the state of the ethnically Jewish people. This is a really important point because Israel’s Declaration of Independence references Israel as a Jewish State BUT NOT Jewish religiously, rather, ethnically Jewish! This is an important distinction that many, myself included at one point, fail to realize. 

To bring us back to the main point I must say that there seems to me to be an unfair double standard when it comes to Israel and the Jews. Perhaps its because there is no other Jewish State to reference and compare, or perhaps it’s a flaw in logic or perhaps its strong bias against Israel- or all three!! Whatever the reason may be, its a deeply troubling phenomenon. Next time someone asks me how/why I support Israel and how the Jewish people allow this and that I will say to them… who represents me as a Jew?  Let me make this clear- It’s not the Israeli government, so stop grouping me and my beliefs to an institution.

I admit, the lines of religion and state in this country are somewhat blurry and arbitrary; it is easy to be confused. Clearly, there is real danger in having a religion so closely tied to a governmental institution because, fundamentally, both exist for different reasons and must be separated. Israel like all governments acts in its self-interest and like any other government is not without its flaws. To come to the conclusion that Israeli politics under the current administration reflect the views of all Israelis, and of all Jews is pure ignorance. If people in others countries that are based in a religious background have the freedom to be represented as individuals, separate from the politics of their state or from politics enacted within their religious framework, then don’t I, as a Jew, and don’t we as the Jewish people, deserve that same freedom of self-defined representation?


xx
C


Link to Pr Ann Elizabeth Mayer piece (shttp://books.google.com/books?id=Y6DDuoS9wtoC&printsec=frontcover&dq=religion+and+human+rights:+competing+claims&hl=en&src=bmrr&ei=FGXWTN6LDMjssgbssfiICA&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CCsQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q&f=false).

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Balagan. "Bah-Lah-Gan" (translates into Chaos)

Where do I start? I guess it is appropriate to apologize to everyone, including myself considering that I have not written in ages. Right now (well when this was originally written) I am up north, near Haifa, on the second day of a hiking trip. Its 6:52am, some large group of men, I'll call them "the boy scouts of Israel" are blasting their music all over the place but for some reason I just do not care. Actually... I kind of want to sing... but let's be honest... it's too early for me to do all of that hahaha :) Clearly, life is not bad-- actually life is pretty freaking amazing. I have done so much in the past few weeks since I've been here- its amazing! I've met so many new and interesting people, I've celebrated the Chag (holiday's) in new places, with friend's families, on a kibbutz or just with random friends that I just recently met. Everyone has been so welcoming and so nice and I definitely feel a sense of belonging. I will talk more my feelings in another post because they are more complex then I lead them to be and must be explained more fully. However, I must reiterate my initial feelings about Israel and my presence here. I truly stand by my belief that I am where I need to be, and meeting the people I need to meet and experiencing everything that is meant for me to experience. I would not give up this year in a minute and while I am struggling in some ways and making hard decisions- I am really happy. I am happy to be here, I am happy to be alive and there is no where else in the world that I would rather be. OKAY so with that said it's time to get to the meaning of this post,  "Balagan," or in english, Chaos. Well, I've thought about writing every day... if that makes up for my lack of action but somehow something else, someone else or simply, some excuse always comes up! Now, it is time to get filled in on what has been occupying my time! Are you all ready.... okay... where to start..... I could write forever so I will organize like this 1) Apts Chaos, CHAOS, homelessness, CHAOS...

Here begins my apartment Saga...do not judge. I've been here in Israel for about 7 weeks now and I have not unpacked my bags. Really,-- I have been wearing the same variations of outfits and using the same habitual objects. It all started when I got to Israel. Dorot hooked us up with a sweet apt in the middle of the best street in Tel Aviv which was amazing. They then gave us 3 weeks to find our own apt. I was on top of the apt hunt because I was supposed to take the LSAT in OCT (FAIL... rescheduled it) and I did not want to waste any time. Therefore, I searched for days, called people and went to look at places. Finding a nice apt in this country is hard to do for so many reason. The primary being that it is a full out competition in which you must outbid another person based on your personality, timing and money etc.  Furthermore, people do not take care of their stuff and always false advertise. There were so many places that looked amazing in the ads online but when you get to the apt it is a shit hole, people are smoking in the apt, or things are beat up-- or their are only a few things in the apt which would require me to buy everything. So, what did I do... well after traveling with Yael and looking at some apts I took one of the first ones that I had called. It is a beautiful apt,  too beautiful... full queen sized bed, modern kitchen, huge bathroom but no living space... so very much like a hotel. OKay, so I went a little BOUGIE but can you blame me? Anyway, I signed the contract and the next day I decided that it was time for me to move out! WHY? Well, I spent some time with friends of mine and I realized that living in an apt without a common area/ living room says a lot about the place and also sets the mood of one's living. There is something beautiful about sharing space with other people, sitting on a couch and just existing even if not speaking a word. This is not the only reason I decided to leave. Also, my roommate, is a 58 year old man, who is really nice but we have nothing in common... and I missed being with people my age. I learned a lot about his life and about his parents which was very interesting but we couldn't talk about superficial stuff, or girlie stuff, or stuff that well umm people in their 20's talk about aka NOTHIN hahaha. I realized that I wasn't ready to live like this, to be so independent in a country in which the people are the presence and I am trying to find my connection. And finally, the apt was really expensive for what I was getting.. and I am never there so what am I paying for? I am studying in Jerusalem half of the week and need to get my student visa so I am not present half of the week anyway... After taking ALL of this into consideration... and just my luck to consider all of this AFTER I SIGNED THE CONTRACT which locked me into a 2 month agreement.. I told my roommate that it was time to move. He took the news well... and I felt kind of bad telling him that I wanted to move out after a day but there was really nothing that I could do. He told me that it would be my responsibility to find someone to take over my contract and so the hunt began.

This where the story gets both annoying, interesting and becomes the bane of my existence! Have you ever tried to sell an apt in which you wouldn't be the one staying in the apt and the other roommate ws significantly older? Well, its difficult! Basically, I met so many people who wanted the room but when they found out my roommate was in his late 50s they were not interested. This happened for a 3 WEEKS until recently when I found someone to replace me. I feel really bad because he knows that people age discriminate and refuses to put his age or information in the ad. This I understand but then the responsibility fell on me. I did not think it was my place to have to explain to people his age, occupation or other very personal details-  nor did I feel comfortable. He was very insecure about it which made me even More insecure about it-- but this time around I had to deal with all the people, rather than him. I blame myself in that I should not have signed the contract or rushed to get settled and put myself in this position in the first place. However, deep down inside I also believe that he knew that I would struggle to find someone to replace me and he didn't help out enough. I sent him many emails and texts explaining to him that I was having trouble. I left out the reason, being his age, because I did not want to hurt his feelings but I know that he has been selling his apt for a long time so he must have known that this would be an issue. Having me sell, for him,  took the burden and the stress off of him. UNder any other circumstances this would be normal in that I needed to find someone to replace me. HOWEVER, his age is a HUGE factor, and that is not my issue. THis gave me a huge disadvantage and made the apt impossible to sell. So, in many ways I feel that I was taken advantage of but, what am I to do. This is a lesson, a test of sorts, that will NEVER let happen again.

The apt sold the other day, with a little bit of back and forth between my roommate and me about the quality and profession of the lady who would be replacing me. My roommate eventually came around and everything was settled...  oh wait-- so now where am I going to live! Well y'all that is a great question and I still do not know. The day of move out Yossi asked for the keys back early... I thought I had to leave on the first but according to him I had to leave the night before. So he very rudely demands the keys and I give it to him and wait for hours so that I can move my stuff from my apartment to a friends apt. So right now, about a week after the mountain trip in which I originally wrote this message... I am still homeless and have been sleeping at a friend's apt, on the couch. I am going to be house sitting for 2 days and spending a day in Jerusalem which gives me 3 days to find a place. I've tag-teamed with a friend from home and we've decided to look for a place together but we haven't been able to find anything within our budget that is reasonable.  I've been really down about this apartment but I've been getting some help, and I've decided to change the energy.  My sisters Gabby and leathett both encouraged me to stay positive. Leathett said it the best! Read our convo!

Me: "IM homeless tomorrow"
Leah: "I might be dead tomorrow"
Me: "i knew i could count on u to put it all in perspective hahaha"
Leah: "see all is well celeste, have no fear"

So this is where I stand right now; this is why I haven't been able to do anything. I've literally been running around this city, calling a billion people and trying to find an apartment. I am at the brink of my wits. I have 3 days to find a place. Hopefully today will be the day. Sometimes I wonder, am I always being tested? I cannot say my life has been extremely hard, but I seem to always be in some type of struggle, perhaps self imposed based on my personality. Or perhaps I am being tested, again and again and again. I dunno? What do you think? It makes for a better story, but it definitely drives me insane! Well, today I will manifest an apt, I'm sending out all the positive energy I have, TODAY is the day!

I'l write more soon, wish me luck!
LOVE Your favorite homeless friend,
C

(ps- the other day I was washing the bed sheets of my old apt for the new lady that would move in. I hung them to dry and the next morning, I saw that a bird had taken a huge poop right on the nice clean sheets! NOW this could just mean that a bird pooped on it... but it could also mean that I will have great apartment luck. The sheet symbolizing a bed--- the basic necessity of a home... sounds good to me! Bring on the good luck!)

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Knowledge and the Black American, Jewish and Arab Connection

Many have ask me why I decided to come to Israel and I’ve responded that this is where I need to be as a Jewish American developing my identity. Also, Israel is at the center of some of the world’s largest dilemmas and as a Jewish woman I feel that I am ignorant and unaware of this reality. Living in Israel for a year is not only about connecting and developing my Jewish identity but also about learning about Israel, the Middle East, Israelis, Arabs etc. I am so excited to form my own opinions and to have time to think and reflect about what I think rather than being influenced by everyone else. Of course the people around me and being in Israel will be a strong influence but I also have the privilege of meeting many people, having access to a lot of information and studying on my own. 

With that said, I do fear the knowledge that I will acquire. Who will I become after this year in Israel? What will I think? Will I be racist? Will I leave my more liberal beliefs for more conservative beliefs? I started thinking about this a few days ago when my roommate’s friend came over. She is American born and raised and moved to Israel permanently, serving in the army and now finishing up school. As an American, she was moderate in her beliefs about Israel and open to all people. However, her experiences in Israel have made her very racist against Arabs and very conservative. We spent hours talking and I could tell that she was a very intelligent woman. On some subjects I agreed with her, which was a surprise to me. We had good conversation on issues that I had never considered or taken the time to fully understand. At times I felt confused and shocked by her clear racism towards Arabs and her fixed notions of reality. For the first few days in Israel, her vision of reality was the norm. There is a clear anti-Arab/Muslim sentiment, very conservative views and it is interesting to be experiencing it all. Perhaps these sentiments, expressed by many Israeli’s, are perpetuated by the mandatory army service and the reality of life in a land surrounded by conflict and enemies. This is a reality that I do not know and may never truly know but one which continues to fascinate me and push me towards a deeper understanding of Israel and its neighbors.

A day or two later, I went out to lunch with a good friend (Jewish) of mine from England and the inescapable saga of life in Israel became our dominant conversation. Interestingly, my friend, who has not experienced, first hand, the reality of the army and life in Israel shared many of the same beliefs as the Israeli’s that I’ve met. She believes that all Arabs are bad and bases her conclusion off of the actions of some Arabs and Muslims, specifically those defined by the West as terrorist and the leaders of some countries who discriminate against women and limit rights. Additionally, she claimed that I lack proper knowledge about the conflict and the reality of Arabs and Islam to fully understand the situation. Well, I do lack knowledge in this subject but I also consider these political issues to be moral issues that I am qualified to have an opinion and a good basis to judge. She assured me that in a year’s time I would be in agreement with her beliefs. I assured her that I’ve never had a reason not to like Arabs/Muslims or to discriminate against an entire group of people, and that I was not going to start. I further explained that I do not understand why every Muslim and Arab person must be associated with evil. Is it fair that the actions of a few should reflect the entire community? There is evil all around the world and within the Jewish community itself! What makes us different? If we as a Jewish people are willing to allow the actions of a few represent everyone then what do we have to say about Madoff, the infamous, Jewish thief. Madoff stole millions of dollars and he even stole from his fellow Jews, so using her logic, are all Jews, money-loving, selfish thieves? Of course, when I brought this up to my friend she said it was not comparable…right. In my opinion, she failed to give an adequate explanation for why this was not comparable. What I find most interesting about my interactions and my discussions on these topics are the people with whom I discuss such issues. My friend attends one of the best schools in London, which is one of the most diverse cities and she has friends from all religions, sexual orientations and racial backgrounds. Most of my life it has been the uneducated, ignorant people who have always held ludicrous and unfounded opinions. However, each and every person I’ve met and who has expressed such extreme views have all been educated, and well educated, at the best schools in the world! This to me is scary- because it tells me that I could become them. 

But am I capable of becoming them? Does being African American and knowing the history and plight of blacks in the United States influence the way I look at the situation and if so, to what degree? African Americans are bound, for better or for worse, as a cohesive community- termed “linked fate” Thus, the actions of one black person reflects the black community as a whole. This term is most accurately applied to American voting politics and can be used to explain why black Republicans were willing to vote for Obama even though Obama’s liberal policies provided no benefit to them or their beliefs.  YES, some black people voted for Obama because he is BLACK… but can you blame them? Essentially, having a black man in power liberated (to a degree and  perhaps only conceptually or theoretically) blacks from the stigma, the stereotypes and the ideas formulated by Americans and others around the world. A weight was lifted off of our shoulders, as if we had a chance to live as individuals rather than as a reflection of a group. A privilege afforded mainly to white Americans. It’s important to remember that the linked fate is bilateral and negative images are also reflected on the entire black population. Thus, when there is a significantly horrible crime committed by a black the image of all black people is diminished and replaced with negative images and generalizations that continue to play a large part of American society. Even I, who was born into a privileged black family, can still relate and have experienced the constraints of these images and the fate that I did not choose but that has linked me in an inescapable web. A good example of the pressure created by this linked fate can be understood through the Virginia Tech shooting 4 years ago. I remember watching the tv and waiting to learn the ethnicity of the man who shot and killed all those innocent people. In my mind, I was hoping that he would not be black because that would have made my life that much harder. It was as if I had to fight another battle, as if I personally had to reclaim and repair a positive image of black people because some random black person destroyed it. I’ve spoken to a lot of my black friends and they felt the same way… for they too knew the repercussions of being understood within a single, cohesive culture and group. Personally, I’m tired of always having to carry (or feeling as if I have to carry) the burden of representation. Unfortunately, I believe (at this time) it is harder for black Americans to exist as independent individuals; this freedom remains a privilege (acknowledged or not) afforded mostly to white Americans. Generally speaking, if a white person commits a horrible crime he or she represents him/herself and not the entire community. 

It is with this historical linkage that I come to understand my opinions about Arabs, Muslims and Palestinians. How could I perpetuate the same unfair images and generalizations that I, and others have spent their entire life fighting against, voluntarily or involuntarily? I know all too well what it feels like to be linked to the images and actions of a subset of people who look like me and may have some of the same characteristics as I do. I refuse to buy into the notion that there are strict and linear lines of group cohesion and that we can generalize an entire group of people based off of a small sample. This is not to say that we can never make any generalizations but rather we should not base our truths off of these generalizations. The perception of the Arabs and Muslims may in a sense mirror that of the African Americans in that we are linked by others perception of us, constantly working to escape and redefine ourselves as individuals first, rather then as part of a misconceived, unified whole. (I also think that this case can be applied to Arabs, Muslims and Palestinian perceptions of Jews.)

On a different and more positive note, the other day I encountered my first Israeli who did not have such conservative or racist beliefs. He is not only highly educated but he holds one of the most elite positions in the Israeli Army. It was such a relief to meet someone who seemed so level headed and who believed that we could have peace with Jews, Arabs and Palestinians. He was not racist against Arabs and seemed to understand both sides of the story. I’ve been in Israel for about two weeks and I have meet many more people on all sides of the spectrum and I look forward to more encounters.

I know that this debate will be a huge part of my year. Frankly, I look forward to the development of my opinions and a constructive debate. (Although, I must say that these debates are exhausting and very divisive.) I am excited, nervous and scared of the information, the experiences and the opinions I will acquire and formulate. A small part of me wonders… can I handle what I will learn? Plato's speaks of a similar predicament in his cave allegory. What if I “come out of the cave” only to realize that everything that I once thought true, was indeed not true or a fabrication of the truth? Would I retreat back into the cave and live as if I had not experienced the truth? Or will I have enough courage and the will power to seek higher truths? I’d like to think that I would do the latter but that implies that I could indeed become someone  I do not know, someone I thought I would never become or someone I do not want to become.  Conversely, I could become someone I may not want to become but someone I NEED to become, for better or for worse…